Did you ever think there would be a time in your life where you would be forced to make a decision and give up your independence to drive?
Yah, me neither.
That time has come for me.
Don’t worry, I am not blind yet. I can still do my photography, crafts, cook, etc. I still see (for the most part) and I am sure I can drive better than most people. However, after reading an article on how people with R.P. have multiple blind spots (besides the peripheral) and how when our eyes don’t see something, our brains fill in the missing gap. This explains why you don’t see black spots or holes in your vision because the brain clones the area around that. Pretty smart – or dangerous per se.
This also explains why there are times I can’t see my 2 year old running near me. I look and he is “not” there but I hear him then *POOF*, he’s standing right next to me. How long was he there?!?! It freaks me out every time, especially when I am in public. This is why I am all about those leash backpacks! Shady areas outside or rooms that are poorly lit are not my friends.
It has been over a year since I have seen an eye specialist (I will go again once I am not nursing my baby anymore) and so I figured I would make a safe and hard decision and quit driving for a while.
This sucks. BIG TIME.
I have been wanting to write this blog when I first quit driving (end of February) but I knew if I did, there was no turning back. I knew it would become a REALITY and I wasn’t ready to accept it. Everyone will know.
But, I need the support and it’s been over a month and I am NOW ready to accept.
Summer is coming and I had day dreams of meeting my friends at a park with our kids……meeting a friend for some coffee….or joining a Women’s Bible Study…or even just taking a break and go shopping on my own while my husband watches the kids. I catch myself daily thinking these things and remember “Oh right, can’t do that”. I know that many people get by without driving, but you gota understand that this is NEW to me. This proves that I can’t trust my own eyes anymore.
You feel helpless.
Scared of the unknown.
SAD.
And at the same time I say “Bring It On! Let’s DO this.” Mixed emotions for sure!! I am just sooooo sooooo thankful for my family who takes care of me and can take me places. I am not totally stuck at home. It is just hard because I have to rely on someone else. Eh. This independent, stubborn, strong-willed, gal has to ask for help to drive. It’s going to be okey. Everything is going to be okey. Ya know what’s kinda cool? My neighbor offered to drive me to stores if I needed it. Yah, that’s pretty sweet!
So I got thinking. I told my husband that we needed to make our yard a FUN YARD. Since I will not be going out much, I need a place for my friends and their kids to come have fun. Our own mini park. We need to build a fence, (we just did this!!), have a sandbox, a playhouse with a slide and with swings?, lots of good grass to run in, a blow up pool for summertime (we got a sweet deal on one last year after summer that I can’t wait to set up!), AND table and chairs for under the shaded tree. Yes, this is exciting. We can make this work! Anyone want to come over? Oh wait…first we need to get it all set up!
ATTENTION Local friends: Ya know how normally you don’t really invite yourself over to friends homes unless invited? Well I give you permission to invite yourself over to my home (we have to schedule a date and time of course!) and play in our mini future park. 🙂
So, all that to say is. Giving up driving SUCKS. Asking for help is HARD. And the ASKING isn’t the hard part, it’s the “I feel like I am a burden even when no one makes me feel this way part”. But I am reminded by my family that they love me no matter what. That they will be there for me no matter what. I am so thankful. And you know what I have noticed since I stopped driving? Less anxiety. Go figure haha
Since it is not raining this weekend (I hope), I am going to have my husband take me on our first walk to the store adventure. There’s been a billion times I wanted to do this but I am so nervous and scared. I am used to walking in nature…NOT around town surrounded by cars and people. I know others do this daily so I KNOW I can do it…it is just all new to me.
Stay tune for adventures “Independence in a New Light” –
For those who have Usher Syndrome. . . do you have any tips for me??????