July of 2012 was when I was officially diagnosed with Usher Syndrome II. What a crazy year it’s been. Lots of emotions. Feeling uncertain, happiness, grieving, blessed, fear, comfort, sadness, loved, etc. There were many times where I felt guilty for having some sad days when I knew friends were going through cancer treatments and others who have it far worse than I do. Around this time when I was feeling that, I had received an email from a fellow USH person whom I met through a blog last year and in her email she randomly shared this with me….
“It’s such a roller coaster with this diagnosis. You feel so sad this is happening to you, yet you feel so grateful that you’ve had the gift of being able to see in the first place. And you think of others who go through far worse things than you do, like cancer, but it still doesn’t make the sadness of your situation go away, and it’s perfectly ok to have that feeling, and I encourage you to really feel that for yourself. If you deny any sympathy for yourself, then you can’t get started on a road towards encouragement and excitement and happiness.”
Oh HELLO GOD!
Yeah, that was HIM speaking through her to ME.
You see, I had not shared to ANYONE what I was going through. I was feeling so guilty. It was amazing to hear those sweet words. I then shared a bit to my mom and she gave me some wise words when I told her I felt guilty and selfish…
“You’re not being selfish being sad…it’s called grieving. Grieving of something that’s being taken away from you”
All that to say is, I have felt much happier now that I have allowed myself to grieve over the loss of my vision and my future vision. I have to remind myself that every day is new. Take advantage of every opportunity of TODAY and not think about WHEN or IF I will go completely blind. I continue to pray every night before bed that God will heal me when it is His time.
One of the ways I decided to continue my journey towards the road to encouragement, excitement, happiness, and adventures….I redesigned my photography website!
{BEFORE}
{AFTER}
I had so much fun doing this and I am not quiet done with it yet! The layout of the website is different as well. This year I have done a handful of photo sessions and it was such a blessing. It gave me HOPE. I made people happy. I did what I loved doing. It made me forget about my eyes. It was exciting! I am looking forward to booking more sessions in the next few months before baby Zia is here.
I hope I get back to writing more here…we shall see ha!